In a recent discussion, two birth parents have expressed their perspective on the evolving relationship with their biological daughter, who was adopted in her infancy. They believe the current distance is not the child’s choice, but rather stems from what they describe as the adoptive parents’ own fears and insecurities.
The couple theorized that the adoptive parents, who struggled with infertility, may be experiencing trauma from that journey, which is now influencing their decisions. They noted that as the child grows older and begins to ask more questions about her origins, the situation has become increasingly strained.
“Based on the questions she’s been asking, we think it frightens them,” one birth parent stated. “There’s a possibility that when she’s an adult, she may seek a close connection with us and distance from them. We believe that fear is the primary reason communication has been severed.”
The birth father emphasized their attempts at empathy, saying they have long tried to understand the adoptive parents’ position. “We’ve stayed quiet for years out of respect for their role,” he explained. “But allowing personal insecurity to override what is best for the child doesn’t seem logical. We were supposed to be a united front in her interest, but it’s impossible to mend a relationship when there is no dialogue.”
The conflict has escalated recently, with the birth parents revealing that all gift-giving has been prohibited and contact was blocked for the stated reason of preserving the adoptive parents’ “mental health”—a justification the birth mother openly challenged.
“Why do I need to apologize?” she asked rhetorically. “For telling the truth about how we’ve been treated? I believe the apology is owed to us.”
For now, the couple has agreed to step back and not initiate further contact until their biological daughter indicates she is ready. However, they continue to share their experiences publicly, indicating the personal and legal complexities of open adoptions remain a central part of their story.
